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2012_dumbest movie ever?

October 6, 2009

The movies just keep getting dumber.

Dear Columbia Pictures:

What the hell were you thinking?   I took the time to watch your 5-minute preview of 2012… and I hate you for it.  That is perhaps the dumbest collection of moving images I have ever seen.  I won’t even touch on the fact that you, along with Roland Emmerich, the dumbass director, still find pleasure in toppling buildings.  To be honest, I never was going to see this movie.  Its entire premise is so laughable, so stupid, I would never, much like The Day After Tomorrow and 10,000 BC, watch this movie.   If a friend of mine offers to take me, I’ll decline.  If a friend wishes to watch on DVD, I’ll refuse.  If I find the movie on cable, I’ll change the freaking channel, maybe throw out my television altogether.  This clip is so bad I will probably never see another movie made by you, Columbia Pictures, again.  Yes, I mean that.   You spent an estimated 180 million dollars on this film and I hope you don’t make a cent of it back.  I hope this film sinks your studio.  This clip has absolutely no redeeming qualities.  There isn’t an ounce of humor in this clip I find amusing.  There isn’t a second of action I find suspenseful.  Judging on this clip, which (amazingly) you find suitable to represent the movie in its entirety, 2012 may be the worst movie ever made.   As for John Cusack, well, I already knew he’s an idiot.  I’ve always hated him.   I’ve always hated his films.  And now I know why… because someday, somehow, he was going star in this movie: the dumbest movie of all-time.  The frustration I feel for having watched this clip transcends words.   A part of me wants to shake his head, rant about this on his blog.  But another part of me wants to cry, wants to scream, wants to run off into the woods and live a life of seclusion.  One of these times, one of these days, a movie will be made that will send me over the edge.   That day can’t come soon enough.  That movie will probably be made by you, Columbia Pictures.



For my readers, if you really must…

6 Comments leave one →
  1. Hack Riven permalink
    October 6, 2009 6:56 pm

    i saw this last week via previews. the limo escape exemplifies my theory that catastrophes travel approximately 35mph …and then give you time to change vehicles. however, the 1-minute plane take-off is exceptional

    …ly ridiculous.

    i weep from thinking about the following 110 minutes or so of Cusack resolving this problem …most likely by snidely whining about it and staring blankly with mouth agape. trademark Cusack. bravo, good sir!

    burn Columbia Pictures to the ground, they deserve it for their 2009 line-up:
    Paul Blart: Mall Cop, The Pink Panther 2, The International
    Angels & Demons, The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3, Terminator Salvation, The Damned United, Year One, The Ugly Truth, Funny People, Julie & Julia, Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs …and Zombieland (okay, they got one right).

  2. cklockwork permalink*
    October 6, 2009 7:09 pm

    Zombieland is Colombia?? Shit… I almost went to see that. No way now. I love in the clip how they’re continuously outrunning the ground caving in, no matter which way they’re headed. I also like the moment the limo crashes into the building. When Emmerich, in all his brilliance, cuts outside the building, everything is eerily silent… until the limo crashes through the windows. Collapsing buildings and falling freeways make no noise. Limos do. Ugh. And the plane shit. They had time to get into a plane? Because they rented it?! What?! How stupid do they think we are? Unbelievable. This makes me angry.

  3. Hack Riven permalink
    October 6, 2009 8:26 pm


    seriously though, go see Zombieland. it’s simple, yet very entertaining. they’re not trying to wow you but there are some great moments. but if you’re boycotting Columbia, go see the matinee like i did. fuck ’em.

  4. cklockwork permalink*
    October 6, 2009 11:56 pm

    don’t tell me what to do, a-hole. But I reckon Zombieland will cross my eyes eventually. We have a sweet dollar theater here in town.. yep, that’s right. It’s like the dollar theater in erie… except it’s in state college. even better. When Zombieland hits those screens, consider it seen.

  5. October 7, 2009 1:56 am

    Show up Zombieland 10 minutes late in order to miss the 2012 trailer that has as much bass in the audio mix as possible.
    Worst part about the 2012 plane sequence… its a fucking plane yet they keep having to dodge shit that is low to the ground. Advice, point the nose of the plane up.
    Zombieland was worth it. I’ll double tap that for a dollar.


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