KICK-ASS_why I won’t go see it

So a few of my friends (Stewart, Catie, and I’m sure Hack Riven is on his way back from the movie theater right now) are all a gush over Kick-Ass.  They loved the film and, unsurprisingly, some of my favorite critics favor the film as well.  So why exactly am I boycotting this film?  Because the writing/directing duo behind the film seem like jerks.  Seriously.  Pompous, self-righteous jerks.  And I don’t know about you but I can’t stand seeing assholes like that win.

Let me start with the writer of both the graphic novel and the film adaptation: Mark Millar.  Millar, as some of you already know, is a staple of the comic book industry.  He’s written them all and, depending on whom you ask, is good at what he does.  My problem with him goes way back to the opening weekend of Superman Returns. Instead of being professional, instead of respecting the filmmakers, instead of letting the movie run it’s course… he had to open his big mouth.  Millar immediately hit the message boards, bashing the movie, bashing Bryan Singer, and completely convincing most fan-boys how terrible the movie was before they even saw it.  Sure, Millar claims his outbursts were out of love for the character… but if that were the case, wouldn’t the bomb that was Superman Returns pain him as well?  Superman failed, plain and simple.  No, my big problem was that from the day Superman Returns hit theaters, Millar used the film as leverage for his own screenwriting career.  He wanted to write a big-budget superhero franchise and jumping atop a soapbox and screaming his head off about Singer’s Superman Returns was a good place to start.  After the movie did run its course, an admitted disappointment at the box office, Millar approached the studio with an epic Superman trilogy he was prepared to write.  And he even had a director attached… none other than Matthew Vaughn, director of Kick-Ass.

Now, I didn’t really have anything against Vaughn until very recently.  In fact, it wasn’t until Vaughn opened his big mouth at the film’s press junket that I finally decided I didn’t want to see the movie at all.  Vaughn, because we all respect how incredible of a director he is (sarcasm) decided it would be wise to criticize none other than The Dark Knight… the most successful comic book movie of all time.  His big complaint: Christian Bale’s voice as Batman.  In my mind, by calling out Batman’s voice in The Dark Knight, Vaughn was actually calling out the director of the movie: Christopher Nolan.  Let me remind you who Christopher Nolan is: he directed the most successful comic book movie of all time (The Dark Knight, remember?)  Now, let me remind you who Matthew Vaughn is: he directed Stardust. Did anybody actually see Stardust?! It’s one of those movies that sits in everyone’s Netflix queue continuously being pushed farther and farther down.  My point is this: who the hell does he think he is to call out Christopher F-ing Nolan?!  The Dark Knight was so successful because people liked it.  They saw it… again and again.  Did he really think bashing The Dark Knight would win over fans?!  That makes no sense.  R-E-S-P-E-C-T.  Learn it Vaughn… at least until you make a movie that isn’t a bomb (yes, Kick-Ass is already tanking. Congrats.  Guess that Nic Cage/Adam West voice isn’t working out so well.)

So whatever happened to that incredible, mind-blowing Superman trilogy Millar and Vaughn brought to the studio?   Warner Brothers laughed them off the lot.  Guess whom they brought in to take the reins?  Christopher F-ing Nolan.  Go figure.  It’s like he knows what he’s doing.  And he keeps his mouth shut.

Anyway… I’m sure Millar and Vaughn are cool.  I’d love to drink a beer with them.  I’m sure Kick-Ass is awesome.  Someday I figure I’ll watch it (that and Stardust. ha.)  But, if you find yourself lying awake in bed late at night wondering, “why, oh, why won’t Kugler go see Kick-Ass?” Now you know.