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I am D. B. Cooper.

August 2, 2011

It’s amazing how much I don’t know… especially since I know everything.  So when I do come across something I know nothing of my mind is understandably blown.  And so should yours… because I really do know everything (I question if things really exist before I know of them.)  Anyway, today, of all days, I learned about D.B. Cooper.

Do you know this man?

How have I gone thirty years without hearing about this before?!  Seriously, this is something every parent/teacher/coach in the world should sit their kids down and tell them about.  You remember those old Life Magazine Vietnam War commercials from the ’80s?  Where the family is sitting around the dinner table, the son all happy and shit but the parents, glancing at each other uneasily, look at the kid, his mouth full of mash potatoes, and, out of nowhere, they tell him that there’s something they have to tell him?  And the kid’s all thinking “ohhhhhhh, shit. D-I-V-O-R-C-E.”  And, being just a kid myself watching re-runs of Knight Rider or something, I was all like “What?!  What do they have to tell him?!  Why can’t it wait for him to finish chewing?!”  And then it ends up being a commercial for a special Life Magazine Vietnam War edition…

Well parents SHOULD have this conversation with their kid about D.B. Cooper… because this shit isn’t taught in school… BUT IT’S AWESOME.  Read about him — and the crime of the century (if he survived)  — yourself…

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/D._B._Cooper

and check out the FBI’s plea for info here.

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5 Comments leave one →
  1. August 2, 2011 3:26 am

    I watch this special on him a while back. Oh man, you make me want to refresh my memory and study more of this guy

  2. Hack Riven permalink
    August 2, 2011 6:49 pm

    i find it comical that Cooper is not considered an experienced paratrooper because he chose the sewn-shut/dummy chute as one of his two for the jump. YET, who was the dipshit expert at the skydiving school that passed it on to authorities under the assumption that the hostages were also going to need them. imagine that scenario.

    $200,000 in 1971 = approximately $1million in 2011.

    • August 2, 2011 7:08 pm

      that’s a great point…. the fact a dummy chute made it onto the plane is appalling. I also love the fact that he jumped out in the dark and in the rain, according to the FBI, also shows he was inexperienced…. UNLESS HE WAS INCREDIBLY EXPERIENCED… MOST LIKELY MILITARY. It’s not like they called off d-day because it was rainy.

      had you heard about this before, Riven? It’s got to be one of the coolest things I’ve ever heard of…. definitely the coolest heist. I mean, the guy knew his shit. Unbelievably so. I wonder why the other airline stewardess has never spoken to the media… add that to the fact the stewardess’ description to the FBI is considered VERY STRONG, strong enough for the FBI to immediately dismiss all the wanna-be suspects that have cropped up over the years… do you think she slept with him? I mean, the guy probably was THAT smooth considering everything else he did.

      • Hack Riven permalink
        August 3, 2011 12:36 am

        i don’t recall ever learning of this, but you know my memory…

        smooth indeed. DB Cooper was James mutherfucken Bond.
        my favorite factoid: he paid for his drinks.

        although choosing the dummy as one of his chutes is a glaring mark against his perceived ability, witnesses said he was very calm/collected (though the Unsolved Mysteries video on YouTube describe him as uptight) …would anyone actually worried about the jump be that cool in that situation? and choosing the other less-advanced chute doesn’t necessarily show inexperience in my opinion – he may have chosen it because he had used a similar one a hundred times prior and felt more comfortable with its simplicity …like someone choosing a revolver over a semi-automatic pistol for sheer reliability. it sounds as though he was very sure of himself and done all his calculations. this wasn’t exactly the era of easily accessible information that we have today with the internet. sounds like the man knew his shit.
        however, romanticizing his story, we’d all love to believe he survived and that would make us rationalize any circumstance into a successful caper. which brings me back to him choosing that dummy chute: had he inadvertently chosen two good chutes through dumb luck, the FBI may have considered him to be a world-class skydiver despite his attire (though he may have had more appropriate winter clothing under his trench or supplies in his attache). very interesting how that could have changed the entire perception of the man by his choice of parachutes.

        and banging the stewardess?!? HELL YES, James Bond surely would have!
        excellent hypothesis – why would he need her (releasing everyone else) alongside the three specific employees trained to operate the plane? although i could understand him possibly keeping her with in the cabin to ensure that the pilots took off according to plan rather than jeopardize her safety. however, she is of no actual flying importance and could have easily been an accomplice planted as the “voice of hostage reason” to keep everyone in the cockpit during flight by instilling fear of leaving it.

        by the way, i really enjoyed the animation under the “Investigation” heading of the wiki article.

  3. August 2, 2011 7:11 pm

    oh, here’s the story on the latest FBI lead:

    http://www.nytimes.com/2011/08/02/us/02dbcooper.html?ref=us

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